A guide for media professionals about adopted children

If you pay attention, you will notice that adoption features in media (music, TV, movies..) a lot. In dramatic storylines it is used as the ultimate ‘other’. Someone with a complex unknown past, unresolved traumatic experiences but ultimately treated superficially, full of cliches, misconceptions and generalisations. In comedy is the butt of a joke, which is often that the character is different, not loved or wanted because they are adopted (the character is normally not an adoptee). For this reason I believe it is important to prepare a simple and short guide for creators in media so they can address the topic of adoption in a matter that is respectful, honest and with care.

NOTE: I do realise that there is also kinship as well as children in care who are not adopted but I think that would need to be for someone else to develop as I have very little knowledge of those matters.

Real. A word that in the world of adoption can have a strong impact. This is because it directly points to the biological connection between children and their parents. In adoption we speak of a triad which includes the adoptee, the biological parents and the adoptive parent/s. All those involved in this triangle have a different link to this biological connection, they may all well understand each other and work hard to do so, yet, their needs, experiences and feelings will be vastly different. The world ‘real’ is used to clarify and specify a biological connection, it is seen as inoffensive with an air of superiority because science is fact and fact cannot be offensive. Yet, what is obviously missing is that it says to an adoptee or adopter ‘you are not their real child / parent’. This begs the question ‘what is a parent?’ and as every person who has ever asked themselves that question would realise that the biological connection is not imperative to develop a parental bond, thus being a real parent.

There are numerous ways in which we develop unbreakable bonds with other people, friends or spouses for example. Why then is a word like this used? It is because of the way society sees adoption. The understanding of it is certainly limited. One thing to consider is the way in which adoption is portrayed in media. People in media are of course members of society, so in this way they are simply portraying what they know, what they learned in society. Media in turn is a tool for social education creating a complicated cycle to break. This is why I believe it is crucial that we revise the way in which adoption is portrayed in media and develop guidance to be used by those working on it in order to make this necessary improvement.

Jokes about adoption are incredibly common, more than I had ever realised. It is one of those things that you have never thought about and once you do, you start seeing it everywhere. I do not mean of course that one cannot joke about adoption, nor that all adoptees should be angels. Just like with every other issue of representation, it is a matter of the overall image and how it is commonly portrayed, that is, if there were one story about an adopted child who is ‘evil’ it would not be something to worry about, it becomes an issue when there are so many instances, so many ways in which films, tv shows, the news and every other form of media gets adoption so wrong.

This is certainly not the only area where the media and society in general must revise the way we communicate, whilst I do not know with certainty it truly is every social issue, I would venture that indeed all social issues have this in common, the need to agree on the vocabulary we use and likely to develop new words. It is common to hear cries about word policing and how one cannot joke or say anything anymore. Now, the misunderstanding about the particular issue of the way we communicate about a subject where someone takes issue, is not so much about the words but the attitude. Our language is far too limited to account every single concept and nuance of each of them. This is where we need the cooperation from those receiving our message and make an effort to understand what we are trying to convey. I do not claim to have the answer, my aim is solely to highlight the need for the mentioned guide.